Day 77 I gained two pounds!

day 77 of 90

192 lbs

I didn't lose any weight this week. I actually gained! I'm not surprised really. I have been incorporating way too many "regular foods" and it's showing me that I will NEVER be able to eat like I used to again. There are some foods that should not go in my mouth at all. I just can't resist overeating them because of the taste.

I bought some Trader Joe's Chicken tenders with panko bread crumbs and basically recreated a number 6 for myself. Hot sauce, warmed tenders and a hamburger bun with mayo and lettuce. It was amazingly delish however. I didn't feel sick AT ALL which is not good.

If my body is getting used to these type of foods then it's waaaaaay too comfortable with them. Before if I made a bad choice I would tell immediately. Blood when i pooped, achey joints etc but now it seems like how I used to live. These things are normal. This is just how I live, feel etc.

But it's not! I keep saying I'm going to get back to more juicing, more raw but I'm lying to myself. The same friend who I'd written about on Weds called me up yesterday feeling angry about her second week slow weight loss. (Just like I have felt so many times) and I was telling her how I'm still angry about all of this. i Don't want to be fat, I don't want to be addicted to food. I don't want to accept that I'm a "large person". I don't want to have sore joints, muscles and organs yet I keep making bad choices.

So many friends who I have inspired are losing weight quickly and enjoying life more. I feel fantastic about that but am so ashamed that I've let myself down.

This must be the plateau the place where I make or break it.... which will it be?