47/48 Mid Journey Weirdness

Day 48 of 90

I just can't seem to get motivated to write every day anymore. I think that even my writing is getting lamer? I don't know if it's the newness wearing off or what. What constitutes new anyway? How long is something done before it's routine and not new? I don't know. I do know that I am being very daring with my whole foods. I am not eating raw every day. I am juicing and I am eating pescetarian.

I had some bread tonight. Flourless, sprouted wheatberry bread and I can feel my joints swelling as I type. My knees and elbows. I also had a regular cup of coffee this morning. HUGE mistake. I felt nauseous, tweaked out and just plain wrong but something kept me on it. I fought with myself about how I must love torturing myself and took one last sip and poured out the rest. I just felt I had to have it! But I didn't need it as I had it I could feel it's effects.

When I was a kid I had to "teach" myself to smoke. That is, no one ever picks up a cig, inhales and doesn't cough the first time. Hell, the first dozen times it's not until we "get used to" this practice. Can coffee be the same? Why would anyone start? Or restart? I also ate an ice cream sandwich. What an idiot! Tomorrow is my weigh in day as well. I can try and hide from myself but I can't from the scale. Maybe I just feel shame and that's why I didn't write.

Breakfast: Celery, beet, apple, carrot, lemon, ginger, fennel and spinach Juice

Lunch Tuna with avocado and himilayan sea salt

Snack: Hummus and celery

Dinner; 1 piece bread with almond butter, 2 whole wheat crackers and 2 tbs hummus

one ice cream sandwich :-(

The sad thing is that it tasted very chemically. So why did I finish it? PLEASE PLEASE don't let me fall of the wagon! I am only 1/2 way there. HELP